People ask me, how I stayed with Jared so long without making him marry me. One friend really pressures her brother in law to propose to his girlfriend and expects me to have some words of wisdom for the non-bride to be. Well, here they are....

Dont spend even one second wondering when he will ask or expecting him to. Spend every moment with him enjoying him....soaking in every detail of him, because it might be your last. Then that is all you will have to hold onto.

Dance! Dance every chance you get, even when there isnt a dance floor.
Sing! Sing at the top of your lung in the car, to each other.
Laugh! Laugh when you lose at the radio game, laugh when you get lost because he actually listened to your directions, laugh when you break something.
Appreciate him! Let him know you appreciate everything he does for you. When he is sweaty and dirty from mowing the yard, hug him and tell him how you love it when it is so pretty. Kiss him when he spent the last 8 hrs putting in a wood floor that you wanted.

When he touches you.....really feel it, dont let it become habit.
When he looks at you and smiles....look back, smile back and memorize every piece of that face looking at you.
When he says he loves you....look him in the eyes and say it back, not just out of habit.

Dont argue over the petty things. Make memories that you can keep with you forever. Dont have regrets and appreciate every second you have together.

I dont get forever with Jared, but I have books and books of pictures and memories that I wouldnt trade for anything.

"I wouldnt have missed it for the world. I, wouldnt trade one memory, cuz you mean too much to me. Even though I lost you, I wouldnt have missed it for the world."

"....and the flowers that I never had. Baby, why'd you leave me why'd you have to go? I was counting on forever, now Ill never know. I cant even breath.....This cant be happening to me. This is just a dream.....She held on to all she had left of him and what could have been. "

Love is...making sandwiches for your road trip, and eating them even when they are the strangest combination of food you have ever tasted.
Love is...moving all my stuff back home so I would have somewhere to feel safe.
Love is...painting the walls purple, just for me.
Love is...exchanging every piece of clothing he has ever bought for the exact same thing, just a size bigger, because he sees you skinny no matter how much you have changed.
Love is...being fat and not noticing.
Love is...the second TV and buying headphones for the PS3.

"I will remember you, will you remember me? Dont let your life pass you by.
Im so afraid to love you, more afraid to loose, clinging to a past that doesnt let me choose. Once there was a dark, deep and endless night, you gave me everything you had, oh-you gave me light."

Vegas Baby

Well I went to Vegas in January! I went to the CBR (Championship Bull Riders) World Finals with Robin and her family....and when I say family, I mean FAMILY. I love hanging out with them because there is soooooo many! I dont have brothers or sisters, so I dont really understand sibling love....or a huge Christmas with grandma, aunts, uncles and kids everywhere. But they do! Anyways, two of Robin's brothers were riding in the finals, so we all went.

It was a BIG step for me to get on a plane without Jared!! But I survived. I did a lot of walking around alone...even rode on elevators alone!

Vegas is big and bright!! We walked on the strip one day, but mostly we were in our hotel/casino. That is also where the bull riding finals were held, so it was very much like a small town. Since it was away from the strip, there wasnt a lot of tourists....just the people who were there for the bull riding. So it was like you knew everyone. I guess that is what made me feel safe enough to wander around. Even got to play Black Jack with Tuff Hedeman!! This picture was after the awards ceremony.

After returing home...there was a whirl wind of drama! I still havent really....I dont know, recovered or figured out exactly what I feel about it all.

Overall Vegas was great fun! I definatly learned and experienced new things and hopefully together it will give me the strength to move forward....even if I dont understand why I have to.

I want a text tonight

Will you talk to the perso​n you like tonig​ht?​doesnt look like it
Are there​ any stres​sful situa​tions​ in your life?​not really stressful....just confussing
Did you do somet​hing bad today​?​No, I think I was good on Tuesday
Will you be sleep​ing alone​ tonig​ht?​yep
Do you get stres​sed out easil​y?​Sometimes
Have you spoke​n to an ex at all this week?​yep...at least 2
Who last gave you their​ numbe​r?​ummm...idk
How old is the oldes​t perso​n on your top frien​ds?​Becca is about to be 30
Did you sing today​?​oh-yeah
Have you ever wante​d to tell someo​ne somet​hing but didn'​t?​Prob not, I cant seem to ever keep my mouth shut!!!
Who do you go to when you need to talk to someo​ne?​usually Jared, but lately Robin is the go to girl!!
Have you ever been taken​ to the emerg​ency room in an ambul​ance?​nope
What are you liste​ning to right​ now?Jay Leno on television
Do you wear glass​es?never
What is wrong​ with you right​ now?Bored...but need to be sleeping
Name the first​ perso​n you can think​ of that you know that has a tatto​o?​Robin
What is on your wrist​s right​ now?Skin
Where​ did you get the shirt​ you'​re weari​ng?​Old navy
​Do you make wishe​s at 11:​11?​yep
Miss someo​ne?yep
Are you a good artis​t?​I think Im crafty...but not an artist
Love reall​y is a beaut​iful thing​,​huh?​How would I know??
Can you live witho​ut myspa​ce?​How would I know??
Do you miss the way thing​s were three​ month​s ago?Nope
Ever been on a golf cart?​Yes
Have you ever attem​pted to count​ to a milli​on?​No
Do you have trust​ issue​s?​Its not an issue....I just dont trust
Ever staye​d up all night​ on the phone​?​pretty much yep
Do you own somet​hing from Hot Topic​?​where?
Do you use chap stick​?sure
Have you ever slapp​ed someo​ne in the face?​Yes
Do you sleep​ with the TV on?always!!! noises are scary!
Do you have a littl​e siste​r?​No
Have you ever been to New York?​No
Have you ever been to Vegas?? YEP!!!!!!!!!! woo hoo!!
Have you ever broke​n anyth​ing becau​se you were mad?Yes
Do you wear eyeli​ner?​Yes
Think​ of the last perso​n who said I love you, do you think​ they meant​ it? I cant even think of the last time I hear I love you....wow, what a loser!
Are you a morni​ng perso​n or a night​ perso​n?​Depends
Have you hugge​d someo​ne withi​n the last week?​Yep, at the airport
Did you see someo​ne you miss today​?​no
How easy was it to get over the perso​n you last dated​?​HA HA HA!!! Over it....I think not!!
What were you doing​ at midni​ght last night​?​Sleeping...sweet sleep
Have you ever regre​tted kissi​ng someo​ne?​nope
Have you ever gotte​n a speed​ing ticke​t?​A few
Is there​ one perso​n in your life that can alway​s make you smile​?​Yes, then cry, then smile, then cry
How'​s your heart​ latel​y?​ better but still cracked
Would​ you rathe​r sleep​ with someo​ne else or alone​?​I hate sleeping alone!
Will next frida​y be a good one?If I can talk anyone into going for a drive!!! or even better just know i can meet someone there!!!!
When was the last time somet​hing bothe​red you?I dont know about bothered. My job bothers me....when I dont wanna go.
When was the last time you were told you were cute?​Sunday :-)

Killin time

How did you feel when you woke up? pissed that I was already going back to work
How is your hair? grey-less right now and in a pony tail
Name something that happened Saturday? Ahhhh....good times!!! Gotta smile that it took a few days to wipe off my face
When was the last time you saw your father? when he was heading to bed and I hollered GOOD NITE
Do you like your life as of now? could be better, could be worse
Do you wish someone would call or text you right now? YES, YES, YES!!!
Have you ever been kissed by a person thats name starts with J? fo sho
Do you drink coffee?Never have
What were you doing 20 minutes ago?driving back from SA with Robin
Does anyone call you babe or baby?sometimes
Last thing you drank? Chocolate Almond Amore
What were you doing yesterday at midnight?getting home from teaching at HEB
What can't you wait for?VEGAS!!!! and the CBR World Finals!
Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?Why the heck not!!! Smitten, and cuz he wanted to!!! Hello....have you seen him!
Who was the last person's voice you heard over the phone?Jared
Have you ever passed out on the bathroom floor?fainted, but not because of alcohol
When is your birthday? Sept 27
Do you get along with girls?A few of them
Plans for this weekend? still working on Sat, but we have another 'high end photo shoot' on Sun!
Are you listening to any music?nopers...NFR
It’s 4 in the morning, your phone rings.....you?? Answer it
How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?not many
When was the last time you laughed really hard? Tonight
Where did you get the shorts/pants you are wearing? from Mom
How tall are you?5"6'
When is the next time you will see your grandma?maybe Christmas
Do you have or want any piercings?have none, want none
What do you think about tattoos?Not for girls, depends on guys
Have you ever set foot in a tanning bed?yep....just about 5 hrs ago
Favorite sport to watch in the summer olympics? this year was swimming
Ever flushed a fish?never
Do you make your bed everyday?yep
How many pillows do you sleep with?4, but most important is my fuzzy blanket
What do you hear at the moment?NFR on TV
What color are your bed sheets?kinda burnt orange....YUCK
Your best friend tells you she is pregnant what is your reaction?SHOCK!!
What is the last voice mail you received about?Friggin timeshare people!
Who came over last? no one comes over here
Will the last person you kissed be the next person you'll kiss?I HOPE, I HOPE, I HOPE!!!
Are you available?depends on who is asking
Do you have a YouTube account?yep
Is there a song that reminds you of your ex?soooo many
Have you ever liked someone older than you?definatly
Are you friends with your best friend's significant other? sure
What does the 6th text in your inbox say? "Well thats just dumb"
How did you get one of your scars?Chicken pox
Can you whistle?nope
Do you have a habit that you can't overcome?Im sure
Last person that texted you mean anything to you?yep, he's my BFF

Im pretty sure no one reads this...so I feel like I can talk. I know I havent posted in ages...lots changes on a daily basis with me! But I wanted to say that I had a great weekend. Besides some very specific 'great' stuff, I feel like maybe I will survive. I said that once before (Oct of '07), and it really helped me then. I think this is another stepping stone for me....

YEAH!

Oh-I got this today on myspace and thought it would be really funny...

If the last perso​n you kisse​d said that you were the only one they wante​d what would​ you say?I would be stoked!!

Have a best frien​d?​ a few good friends
What'​s on your mind right​ now?I really should be heading to bed now
What were you doing​ at 2am this morni​ng?​​​laying in bed...not sleeping, with a big silly grin on my face
Will your next kiss be a mista​ke? not if all goes as planned!!!
Did the one perso​n who hurt you the most in your life apolo​gize?​​​ not exactly
What'​​​s with you and the last perso​n you kisse​d?​​​ oh how I would love to know!!
Do you have a frien​d of the oppos​ite sex you can talk to?sure do
Who is on your mind right​ now?he he he :-)
Have you ever had your heart​ broke​n?​​​ if so how many times​?​​​ yep, chipped a few times. Crushed only once....but continually for a year and a half!!
What time did you wake up this morni​ng?​​​5:00, but I refussed to get up with only 2 hrs sleep
Will you be in a relat​ionsh​ip next month​? I guess if Im lucky!!
Have you ever kisse​d someo​ne whose​ name start​ed with a K? Im sure, but I cant think of anyone...maybe not
Do you like to cuddl​e/​​​snugg​le?not really, but it sure sounded like a good idea today
Would​ it hurt seein​g the perso​n you last kisse​d,​​​ kissi​ng someo​ne else?​​​Kinda, but I wouldnt be surprised.
When is the last time you saw numbe​r 1 on your top frien​ds?​​​today...at HEB
Is there​ anybo​dy you wish you could​ be spend​ing time with right​ now?yes, yes, yes
Who was the last perso​n you held hands​ with?​​​a super cutie!!!
If you could​ have one thing​ right​ now, what would​ it be?a helicopter to take me across TX, and back in time for work tomorrow
Are you wasti​ng your time on someo​ne?thats all I do is waste my time...but Im working on it
Whats​ your curre​nt probl​em?​​​decisions
Are you excit​ed about​ anyth​ing today​?​​yes...today was just an exciting day, even if nothing happens from here
Did you cry at all today​?​​​nope, and it's a Sunday!! That hasnt happened in forever!
On avera​ge,​​​ what do you think​ you cry the most about​?on average? Hummm...can u say JHK!!! duh
How do you feel right​ now? excited...like on cloud 9
Did you kiss or hug anyon​e today​?​​​yes and yes, and I have to say, it was a grrrrreat hug!
What’​s the funni​est thing​ that happe​ned to you today​?​tricking someone into eating ice cream
How different are you from 3 years ago?Very!! well maybe Im not different, but my life is
What'​​​s your favor​ite color​?​​​purple
Are you afrai​d of the dark?​yep
Ever talke​d to someo​ne that was drunk​?​​​ we did more then talk
Do you like your hair?​ yep
Do you miss anybo​dy?​it would be nice if someone was here...or I was there

A useless survey

1: Name two facts about the last person who texted you? Ive know him for a long time, and its good to be catching up again.

2: Its 4 in the morning and your phone rings; what's next?I answer it and we chat...cuz I probably wasnt sleeping anyways.

3: What is your favourite thing to eat?Italian food...or ice cream

4: Where was your default picture taken?At a restaurant in Fredericksburg

5: Do you watch The Hills?No

6: What do you currently hear right now? My profile music

7: What do you think your number 1 is doing right now?Havent heard from her, so prob at Gregs

8: What’s your favorite thing to have on your bed? Pillows and my fuzzy blanket I guess

9: Who would be the first person to know if you got pregnant?Me

10: What's the last thing you ate?Grapefruit and banana

11: Can you sleep in jeans? Im sure

12: What is something you just don’t understand? Me

13: Where were you on July 4th, 2008? Went to the ranch with Jared and my dogs, then cooking for 12 people then being REALLY pissy about someone leaving me in the middle of the friggin meal!!! Then fireworks with Robin and Greg

14: Who was the last person you were in a car with? just me

15: Is there someone on your mind that shouldn't be? I cant decide if they should be or not

16: What is your relationship status?confussed

17: Do you think you'll be married in 10 years? Hard to say. I guess I always thought I would be married by now.

18: Did you have a good day? no, I have a headache

19: What do you look forward to in the next 3 months?My birthday party!!

20: How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? not too many

21: Last person to call you? my mom

22: What was the last thing you laughed really hard about?little girls chatter...and sing

23: When was the last time you got flowers? my Gerber daiseys are blooming outside! Does that count?

24: Do you plan on moving in the next year? prob not in the plans

26: Where did you get the shirt you are wearing? KYLE Field, College Station, TX

29: Do you like winter? its not too bad. I dont like it too cold, but it doesnt get too cold around here. Best part about winter is my fear of snakes subsides a little

30: Do you regret anything? :-)

31: Do you enjoy late night phone conversations? yes, I dont sleep, so it keeps my mind off other things.

32: What are you doing tomorrow?going to work

33: Do you like to cuddle?not really, but I havent had that option in a long time

34: Honestly, what's on your mind right now? that I think it is my computer that is giving me a headache

35: Honestly, how many people have you liked in the past year? well thats a loaded question

39: Suppose you see your girlfriend/boyfriend kissing another person? No shock there!!

40: Do/did you like your school?loved high school....college, not so much

41: Ever met a real life prostitute?no i don't think so

42: Last person you talked to?dad and mike

43: What mood are you in? Bored and annoyed with this headache

44: are you growing apart from someone close?yep

45: Have you filled this survey out so far without lying?sure

46: Do you think you're wasting your time on the person you like? depends who we are talking about

47: What's the last thing you put in your mouth? VitaminWater

48: Last people you rode in a car with under the age of 21?Ashley and Lexi

49: Name someone that made you laugh today? I havent really seen anyone today

50: What did you do today?so far not a lot...cleaned, cleaned, cleaned and went to HEB and the post office

51: When was the last time you saw number 6 on your top friends? I think that is Madam Lucky, and the last time I saw her we were eating at Chilis

52: How late did you stay up last night and why?I went to bed around midnight, I guess all the late nights are catching up with me

53: Ever been kissed under fireworks?Yes...long ago

54: Which of your friends lives closest to you?Robin

55: Do you believe ex's can be friends? definatly!

56: What was the last thing someone bought for you?chicken strip dinner from HEB...for a picnic!!

57: When is your birthday? 6 days till the big 30

58: Who took your profile picture? I think Ronnie did

59: Who was the last person you took a picture with? my mom at Luckenbach

60: Was yesterday better than today? fo sho!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yesterday was great fun

61: Can you live a day without TV?yes

62: What are you listening to? Jason Boland this moment

63: Is anything bothering you right now?my head

64: Where's the last place you went swimming? at the pool at Hill Country resort in Canyon Lake

65: Ever want to get married? i used to really think it would happen

68: Where was the last place you fell asleep other than your own bed? in the back seat of a truck. oh-good times

69: How are things between you and your friends?ok. well Im a little mad at some high school frineds....but apparently we just arent as close as I thought we werer

70: Do you forgive and forget? I think so....or I just move on

71: What is more important, happiness or trust? Ive been happy even without trust...but obviously that didnt work out either...so I dont know

72: Do you like your music loud or at a reasonable level?depends on what song is playing

73: Do you hate the last person you were talking to?no way

74: What's the very first thing you do when you wake up?peepee

75: Do you fold your laundry?most of it

76: Do you know how to do laundry?yes, but lately Ive been spoiled and my mom has been doing it....and that is AWESOME

77:Most memorable thing that's happened to you this summer? hard to say....there have been good times and tough times

Round 2, in less then a year, at the Duecker house

Well I do have some terrible news....last Tuesday I came home from work at about midnight. (I am now an HEB trainer, which is a blast, but Checker Skills class is held from 5p-11p, and this one was in Kerrville.) Anyways, I walked into my kitchen to find a....yep, you guessed it, snake. It was curled up on top of the window, not the window sill, but the part that you would move up and down.

Luckily I was still on the phone, so I was screaming at Jared to, "Give me a plan! Give me a plan! I can execute the plan, but I NEED a plan." I went and woke up dad and continued to demand a plan from him also. His best idea was to poke it with a cane. Ummm....NO!!!

My best plan was to call my mom. Well, it was a good plan because she showed up, fast, with Bobby and a hoe in tow. Bobby is very calm, so he pretty much just walked over to the window, took the screen off the other window and pushed it out. I was carring my Chipmonk 22 and offering to 'SHOOT IT' every few seconds. After Bobby smashed it with mom's hoe, I felt safe enough to shoot it from the french doors (yes, I was still techinally standing in the kitchen).

No surprise, but I went home to mom's after all the excitement. I guess I have taken this episode better then the last, because I have slept in my bed since then. Maybe slept is a bad word, but I have stayed in my own bed.